| GREG-STRANGE.COM |
"If you haven't found something strange during the
day, it hasn't been much of a day." -- John A. Wheeler
day, it hasn't been much of a day." -- John A. Wheeler
PROVIDING SUBSTANTIVE COMMENTARY ON THE
PEOPLE, POLITICS, EVENTS AND ABSURDITIES OF
OUR TIME. SERVED UP WITH ACERBIC WIT, YOU
SHOULD FIND IT QUITE SATISFYING.
PEOPLE, POLITICS, EVENTS AND ABSURDITIES OF
OUR TIME. SERVED UP WITH ACERBIC WIT, YOU
SHOULD FIND IT QUITE SATISFYING.
When Pigs Fly
"I trace it all back to the high fat, grease and salt, all back to
McDonald's, Wendy's, Burger King, there was no fast food I
didn't eat, and I ate it more often than not because I was single,
it was quick and I'm not a very good cook."---56-year-old
Caesar Barber, who suffers from obesity, diabetes, high blood
pressure, high cholesterol, and has had two heart attacks, so
far.
And what do you suppose is Mr. Barber's solution to his
personal health problems? Litigation, of course! And you're
not surprised because you understand that litigiousness has
become as much a part of the American character as
pioneering intrepidness once was. Americans used to blaze
trails and tame wilderness. Now they turn themselves into
diseased tubs of goo and blame it on somebody else.
Accordingly, Mr. Barber went out and got himself a lawyer,
Samuel Hirsch, who has filed suit in a New York state court
against McDonald's, Burger King, Wendy's and KFC (the
notorious Fast Food Four), alleging, basically, that what they
are peddling is as addictive and harmful as drugs, that they are
irresponsible in the posting of nutritional information and that
they should be forced to offer healthier options on their menus.
Boy, do lawyers recognize a potential gravy train when they
see one or what? Meanwhile, the rest of us want to know how
anyone, even a lawyer, could act as if this lawsuit has a scintilla
of merit while simultaneously maintaining a straight face
during interviews on television talk shows. After all, if this
country is to the point where individuals won't even be held
personally responsible for their own eating habits . . .
Hmm, I think the Fast Food Four is fixin' to spend a ton of
money beefing up their legal departments.
Speaking of keeping a straight face, attorney Hirsch has said
that he has done very well in his career and this is not about
money. On the contrary, he feels very passionate about the
issue of unhealthy eating in America and that's why he has
taken this case.
I am not an overly cynical person, but I'm that cynical. If
Hirsch has done well enough in his career that money isn't an
issue any more, then he must be smart enough to understand
that this monumentally moronic lawsuit is one of the most
meritless to be filed in the history of American jurisprudence.
If he isn't smart enough to understand that, then by all rights
he should be reposing on a sidewalk somewhere sucking cheap
wine out of a brown paper bag.
Of course, just because the case has no merit doesn't mean
that it can't be won, as has been proven by American juries time
and again. Take the McDonald's hot-coffee-in-the-lap verdict,
for instance. Or the granddaddy of all disproportionate
punitive awards in which a jury came down with a punitive
judgment of $580 million against a company that overcharged
someone $1,200 for two satellite dishes.
So it is completely plausible that Caesar Barber, a
grotesquely overweight and diseased loser, could win his case,
thereby bilking the fast food industry for something which is
really the result of his own laziness and lack of self-control.
The question is, what do Barber and his health-conscious
lawyer think should come out of winning their case (besides
making both of them rich)? Do they really think they can force
fast food restaurants to offer healthy food in addition to their
standard fare and that it would do any good?
To see how nonsensical is that notion, imagine that Burger
King starts including health and diet food on its menu and that
it literally wallpapers its restaurants with warnings about the
dangers of fat and cholesterol. Then imagine that someone like
Caesar Barber comes waddling into the place as usual. Does
anyone believe he's going to choose the celery and alfalfa
sprouts combo with soy milk and a side of arugula over the
bacon double cheeseburger and large fries? The guy has no
self-control! That's why he has one foot in the grave and the
other on a banana peel.
Lawyers are smart enough to understand that it is
impossible to completely idiot-proof a society. They realize the
world is full of people who are either bent on self-destruction
or simply don't have enough sense or self-control to avoid it.
Suing the fast food industry won't change that and they know it.
Therefore, this is indeed about money and we all know it.
When I see Samuel Hirsch devoting not only his time but his
own money as well to the cause of healthy eating, then I'll
believe he's sincere and it's not about money.
When pigs fly. When Caesar Barber flies.
"I trace it all back to the high fat, grease and salt, all back to
McDonald's, Wendy's, Burger King, there was no fast food I
didn't eat, and I ate it more often than not because I was single,
it was quick and I'm not a very good cook."---56-year-old
Caesar Barber, who suffers from obesity, diabetes, high blood
pressure, high cholesterol, and has had two heart attacks, so
far.
And what do you suppose is Mr. Barber's solution to his
personal health problems? Litigation, of course! And you're
not surprised because you understand that litigiousness has
become as much a part of the American character as
pioneering intrepidness once was. Americans used to blaze
trails and tame wilderness. Now they turn themselves into
diseased tubs of goo and blame it on somebody else.
Accordingly, Mr. Barber went out and got himself a lawyer,
Samuel Hirsch, who has filed suit in a New York state court
against McDonald's, Burger King, Wendy's and KFC (the
notorious Fast Food Four), alleging, basically, that what they
are peddling is as addictive and harmful as drugs, that they are
irresponsible in the posting of nutritional information and that
they should be forced to offer healthier options on their menus.
Boy, do lawyers recognize a potential gravy train when they
see one or what? Meanwhile, the rest of us want to know how
anyone, even a lawyer, could act as if this lawsuit has a scintilla
of merit while simultaneously maintaining a straight face
during interviews on television talk shows. After all, if this
country is to the point where individuals won't even be held
personally responsible for their own eating habits . . .
Hmm, I think the Fast Food Four is fixin' to spend a ton of
money beefing up their legal departments.
Speaking of keeping a straight face, attorney Hirsch has said
that he has done very well in his career and this is not about
money. On the contrary, he feels very passionate about the
issue of unhealthy eating in America and that's why he has
taken this case.
I am not an overly cynical person, but I'm that cynical. If
Hirsch has done well enough in his career that money isn't an
issue any more, then he must be smart enough to understand
that this monumentally moronic lawsuit is one of the most
meritless to be filed in the history of American jurisprudence.
If he isn't smart enough to understand that, then by all rights
he should be reposing on a sidewalk somewhere sucking cheap
wine out of a brown paper bag.
Of course, just because the case has no merit doesn't mean
that it can't be won, as has been proven by American juries time
and again. Take the McDonald's hot-coffee-in-the-lap verdict,
for instance. Or the granddaddy of all disproportionate
punitive awards in which a jury came down with a punitive
judgment of $580 million against a company that overcharged
someone $1,200 for two satellite dishes.
So it is completely plausible that Caesar Barber, a
grotesquely overweight and diseased loser, could win his case,
thereby bilking the fast food industry for something which is
really the result of his own laziness and lack of self-control.
The question is, what do Barber and his health-conscious
lawyer think should come out of winning their case (besides
making both of them rich)? Do they really think they can force
fast food restaurants to offer healthy food in addition to their
standard fare and that it would do any good?
To see how nonsensical is that notion, imagine that Burger
King starts including health and diet food on its menu and that
it literally wallpapers its restaurants with warnings about the
dangers of fat and cholesterol. Then imagine that someone like
Caesar Barber comes waddling into the place as usual. Does
anyone believe he's going to choose the celery and alfalfa
sprouts combo with soy milk and a side of arugula over the
bacon double cheeseburger and large fries? The guy has no
self-control! That's why he has one foot in the grave and the
other on a banana peel.
Lawyers are smart enough to understand that it is
impossible to completely idiot-proof a society. They realize the
world is full of people who are either bent on self-destruction
or simply don't have enough sense or self-control to avoid it.
Suing the fast food industry won't change that and they know it.
Therefore, this is indeed about money and we all know it.
When I see Samuel Hirsch devoting not only his time but his
own money as well to the cause of healthy eating, then I'll
believe he's sincere and it's not about money.
When pigs fly. When Caesar Barber flies.