| GREG-STRANGE.COM |
"If you haven't found something strange during the
day, it hasn't been much of a day." -- John A. Wheeler
day, it hasn't been much of a day." -- John A. Wheeler
PROVIDING SUBSTANTIVE COMMENTARY ON THE
PEOPLE, POLITICS, EVENTS AND ABSURDITIES OF
OUR TIME. SERVED UP WITH ACERBIC WIT, YOU
SHOULD FIND IT QUITE SATISFYING.
PEOPLE, POLITICS, EVENTS AND ABSURDITIES OF
OUR TIME. SERVED UP WITH ACERBIC WIT, YOU
SHOULD FIND IT QUITE SATISFYING.
O Brother Al . . . Where Art Thou?
"It is not a minor matter to take the loyalty and deep
patriotic feelings of the American people and trifle with them.
The truth shall rise again!" --- Al Gore, frustrated loser of the
2000 presidential election, during yet another rant against the
actual president on the topic of Iraq.
I have become resigned to, every few months or so, rolling
out of bed, turning on the news at some point and seeing some
bizarre new incarnation of Al Gore. It's never exactly what you
would call shocking, but instead just laughable, as in raucous,
bent-over-double hilarious.
The latest was the sight of this stiff, ill-at-ease man doing
his best imitation of a raging Pentecostal preacher as he
lambasted President Bush for the umpteenth time about the
war in Iraq. The difference this time was the raspy,
fire-and-brimstone shouting that sounded as if it must have
turned his larynx into hamburger. "He betrayed this country!"
Gore roared portentously and piously. "He played on our
fears!" The only thing missing was an old-time gospel
sing-a-long and a calling out to sinners to come up and get
saved by Brother Al.
It certainly wasn't your father's, or even your older
brother's, Al Gore, which was the politician whose speeches
would have induced narcolepsy on anyone not abusing
methamphetamines at that moment. But doesn't he
understand that when Howard Dean went unhinged and
delivered his now infamous "I-have-a-scream" speech that it
only served to turn his loss in that one state into a guaranteed
slide into oblivion? Most Americans don't like to see
presidential candidates go bonkers and become candidates for
a strait jacket. Granted, Gore's not running for president, but
does he really want to be perceived as a frustrated has-been
who has either totally cracked up or simply engages in silly
histrionics?
It is pretty well established that Al Gore is not the Fred
Astaire of politics. That is to say, if politics can be likened to a
dance, then his moves have been those of a club-footed blind
man, at least for the past few years. As for anyone who becomes
his partner, they will at best end up with very sore feet and at
worst, sprawled out face down on a cold hard floor. Just ask
Joe Lieberman or Howard Dean.
Joe, who could not get any "Joe-mentum," as he called it, in
the primaries, was stood up by his former running mate
("Crazy Legs" Al) in favor of a flashier date ("Mad How" Dean),
who became the unlucky recipient of the former VP's
enthusiastic endorsement. During the breathless endorsement
speech, Gore declared the war in Iraq to be the worst foreign
policy mistake in all of American history, which, of course,
Dean, the most rabid antiwar candidate, would correct when
elected.
But a funny thing happened on the way to the Democratic
nomination. Only a few days later Saddam Hussein was pulled
out of a fetid hole in the ground by stalwart American soldiers,
thus showing up Dean's extreme antiwar/quagmire candidacy
as the absurdity that it was. He probably never had a real
chance at the nomination, but getting hooked up with
"Wrong-way" Al certainly didn't help. I don't know if John
Kerry is supertitious or not, but he must be avoiding Al right
now like a black cat, a broken mirror and the underside of a
ladder.
It hasn't always been this way for Gore. After all, he did
manage to ascend to the second highest office in the land,
which is nothing to sneeze at. But you would have thought the
presidency would have been in the bag for him after having
been the right-hand man to the president with the following
accomplishments: longest economic expansion in American
history; longest continuous drop in crime on record; lowest
unemployment in decades; highest rate of home ownership in
history; welfare roles reduced to the lowest level since 1969;
came within an eyelash of bringing peace to the Middle East;
survived an ill-advised impeachment while simultaneously
making the Republicans look like the most mean-spirited
bunch in power since the Spanish Inquisition.
But alas, it wasn't enough for the man who seems so utterly
uncomfortable in his own skin. The poor guy just doesn't have
a natural bone in his body and most Americans simply won't
have that in a president.
After the "disputed" election he went off somewhere--to
reevaluate his life, to think about his future goals, to write
another fanciful book about the possibility of some
enviro-geddon spurred by Republican policies, whatever--and
he came back sporting a goofily uncharacteristic beard. The
next thing you know, America takes a catastrophic terrorist hit
that was planned by--guess who?--lunatics who wear beards. It
seems like a silly and insignificant coincidence, but . . .
It's this "timing" thing that gives him such problems of late.
Like the recent planned speech he was to deliver on global
warming. Just so happened that the speech was to be given in a
Northeastern city on what turned out to be--you guessed it--the
coldest day in the Northeast in fifty years. Coincidence?
Maybe, but how many coincidences can there be before one
starts to wonder if the planets aren't actually aligned against
him?
But none of this matters because Gore has become a total
irrelevancy, though an amusing one at times. What's relevant
is that John F. Kerry will be the Democratic nominee for
president in 2004, no thanks to Al--or maybe thanks to Al if Al's
endorsement of Dean was the kiss of death.
Of course, there is always the possibility for a Kerry
implosion over a certain "intern" issue, rumors of which are
currently making the rounds, but as of this writing have not
gotten any serious coverage from major American news outlets
who are waiting to see if any of what is being thrown at the wall
sticks.
Be that as it may, one day in the near future I will almost
certainly wake up, roll out of bed, turn on the news and be sent
into fits of hysterical mirth over Al Gore's latest incarnation or
"timing" malfunction.
"It is not a minor matter to take the loyalty and deep
patriotic feelings of the American people and trifle with them.
The truth shall rise again!" --- Al Gore, frustrated loser of the
2000 presidential election, during yet another rant against the
actual president on the topic of Iraq.
I have become resigned to, every few months or so, rolling
out of bed, turning on the news at some point and seeing some
bizarre new incarnation of Al Gore. It's never exactly what you
would call shocking, but instead just laughable, as in raucous,
bent-over-double hilarious.
The latest was the sight of this stiff, ill-at-ease man doing
his best imitation of a raging Pentecostal preacher as he
lambasted President Bush for the umpteenth time about the
war in Iraq. The difference this time was the raspy,
fire-and-brimstone shouting that sounded as if it must have
turned his larynx into hamburger. "He betrayed this country!"
Gore roared portentously and piously. "He played on our
fears!" The only thing missing was an old-time gospel
sing-a-long and a calling out to sinners to come up and get
saved by Brother Al.
It certainly wasn't your father's, or even your older
brother's, Al Gore, which was the politician whose speeches
would have induced narcolepsy on anyone not abusing
methamphetamines at that moment. But doesn't he
understand that when Howard Dean went unhinged and
delivered his now infamous "I-have-a-scream" speech that it
only served to turn his loss in that one state into a guaranteed
slide into oblivion? Most Americans don't like to see
presidential candidates go bonkers and become candidates for
a strait jacket. Granted, Gore's not running for president, but
does he really want to be perceived as a frustrated has-been
who has either totally cracked up or simply engages in silly
histrionics?
It is pretty well established that Al Gore is not the Fred
Astaire of politics. That is to say, if politics can be likened to a
dance, then his moves have been those of a club-footed blind
man, at least for the past few years. As for anyone who becomes
his partner, they will at best end up with very sore feet and at
worst, sprawled out face down on a cold hard floor. Just ask
Joe Lieberman or Howard Dean.
Joe, who could not get any "Joe-mentum," as he called it, in
the primaries, was stood up by his former running mate
("Crazy Legs" Al) in favor of a flashier date ("Mad How" Dean),
who became the unlucky recipient of the former VP's
enthusiastic endorsement. During the breathless endorsement
speech, Gore declared the war in Iraq to be the worst foreign
policy mistake in all of American history, which, of course,
Dean, the most rabid antiwar candidate, would correct when
elected.
But a funny thing happened on the way to the Democratic
nomination. Only a few days later Saddam Hussein was pulled
out of a fetid hole in the ground by stalwart American soldiers,
thus showing up Dean's extreme antiwar/quagmire candidacy
as the absurdity that it was. He probably never had a real
chance at the nomination, but getting hooked up with
"Wrong-way" Al certainly didn't help. I don't know if John
Kerry is supertitious or not, but he must be avoiding Al right
now like a black cat, a broken mirror and the underside of a
ladder.
It hasn't always been this way for Gore. After all, he did
manage to ascend to the second highest office in the land,
which is nothing to sneeze at. But you would have thought the
presidency would have been in the bag for him after having
been the right-hand man to the president with the following
accomplishments: longest economic expansion in American
history; longest continuous drop in crime on record; lowest
unemployment in decades; highest rate of home ownership in
history; welfare roles reduced to the lowest level since 1969;
came within an eyelash of bringing peace to the Middle East;
survived an ill-advised impeachment while simultaneously
making the Republicans look like the most mean-spirited
bunch in power since the Spanish Inquisition.
But alas, it wasn't enough for the man who seems so utterly
uncomfortable in his own skin. The poor guy just doesn't have
a natural bone in his body and most Americans simply won't
have that in a president.
After the "disputed" election he went off somewhere--to
reevaluate his life, to think about his future goals, to write
another fanciful book about the possibility of some
enviro-geddon spurred by Republican policies, whatever--and
he came back sporting a goofily uncharacteristic beard. The
next thing you know, America takes a catastrophic terrorist hit
that was planned by--guess who?--lunatics who wear beards. It
seems like a silly and insignificant coincidence, but . . .
It's this "timing" thing that gives him such problems of late.
Like the recent planned speech he was to deliver on global
warming. Just so happened that the speech was to be given in a
Northeastern city on what turned out to be--you guessed it--the
coldest day in the Northeast in fifty years. Coincidence?
Maybe, but how many coincidences can there be before one
starts to wonder if the planets aren't actually aligned against
him?
But none of this matters because Gore has become a total
irrelevancy, though an amusing one at times. What's relevant
is that John F. Kerry will be the Democratic nominee for
president in 2004, no thanks to Al--or maybe thanks to Al if Al's
endorsement of Dean was the kiss of death.
Of course, there is always the possibility for a Kerry
implosion over a certain "intern" issue, rumors of which are
currently making the rounds, but as of this writing have not
gotten any serious coverage from major American news outlets
who are waiting to see if any of what is being thrown at the wall
sticks.
Be that as it may, one day in the near future I will almost
certainly wake up, roll out of bed, turn on the news and be sent
into fits of hysterical mirth over Al Gore's latest incarnation or
"timing" malfunction.