| GREG-STRANGE.COM |
"If you haven't found something strange during the
day, it hasn't been much of a day." -- John A. Wheeler
day, it hasn't been much of a day." -- John A. Wheeler
PROVIDING SUBSTANTIVE COMMENTARY ON THE
PEOPLE, POLITICS, EVENTS AND ABSURDITIES OF
OUR TIME. SERVED UP WITH ACERBIC WIT, YOU
SHOULD FIND IT QUITE SATISFYING.
PEOPLE, POLITICS, EVENTS AND ABSURDITIES OF
OUR TIME. SERVED UP WITH ACERBIC WIT, YOU
SHOULD FIND IT QUITE SATISFYING.
Cher--ing Her Feelings With Us
Cher, honey, get a grip. Try and calm yourself. Things really
aren't that bad. Honestly, everything's going to be all right.
And anyway, folks aren't particularly interested in another one
of your public hissy fits about how the conservatives are trying
to take us back to the Dark Age. See, there's this war going on,
the war against terrorism, in which the current administration
is fighting the people who would really take us back to the Dark
Age. And guess what? Most of us wholeheartedly support it.
So, at the moment, we're not interested in the sort of trivial
nonsense that has sent you into your latest dither. Well, except
that it's good for a laugh and goodness knows we need humor
these days, so let's go ahead and talk about it anyway.
Here's the scoop. The Justice Department recently decided
to throw heavy blue curtains over the bare-breasted 12 1/2-foot
cast aluminum statue "Spirit of Justice" and her skimpily
togaed male partner, "Majesty of Law," which have stood in the
department's Great Hall since 1936. This has Cher imagining
that jack-booted book burnings are just around the corner.
Now, why were these statues covered up? Because Attorney
General John Ashcroft gives speeches in front of them and he
felt it was a visual distraction. Was it a silly thing to do? Yep.
Was it a ridiculous thing to do? Pretty much. Was it an utterly
absurd thing to do? Quite possibly. Is it anything more
nefarious than that? Nope, end of story.
But here, in her own words, is Cher's take on the situation.
"These statues have been there through other very conservative
administrations and no one has seen fit to put a curtain in
front of them. What are we going to do next? Put shorts on the
statue of David, put an 1880s bathing suit on 'Venus Rising' and
a shirt on the Venus de Milo? If they start doing that, maybe
they'll start deciding what books are all right for us to read,
and we'll start losing all our freedoms. This really is
unbelievable. It's shocking."
So how come I'm not shocked? How come I'm nothing more
than mildly amused? Cher, I'll tell you what. If they try to put
a burka on ol' Venus, then maybe I'll get upset. Or if they ever
start going into museums and art galleries and covering up
artistic depictions of nakedness (and I do mean artistic, not
pornographic or obscene), then I'll be with you. But this
incident is about a guy who, for whatever goofy reason, feels
uncomfortable giving briefings in front of risque statues. It's
not about censorship or the end of all our freedoms.
Cher's last foray into the public policy arena was similarly
asinine in its wild predictions of disaster. It was shortly before
the 2000 election. Bless her heart, she was so mortified at the
possibility of a certain conservative being elected president
that she stayed home from European recording sessions in
order to, well, shoot off her mouth about it, mainly.
Her passion was evident in an interview she gave during
which she posed this rhetorical question to voters at large:
"Has everyone lost their f___ing minds?" Subtlety is not Cher's
forte.
"If you're black in this country. . .if you're a woman. . .if you
are any minority. . .what could possibly possess you to vote
Republican? You won't have one f___ing right left." Gee, Cher.
We've had conservative administrations before and near as I
can tell, all my f___ing rights are pretty much intact.
When I first read about her profanity-laced rant, my initial
thought was, what does she care who is president, as long as
she can keep having plastic surgeries, prancing near naked in
front of drooling audiences and dating brainless pretty boys
half her age? Maybe she's worried that her unseemly lifestyle
might be in jeopardy if conservatism goes too far.
Well, listen honey. You've got nothing to worry about. Have
you turned on a television lately? Your smutty routine is now
the cultural norm. That's right, and no conservative
individual, no conservative administration, no religious right,
no anybody can stop it. You have triumphed! So chill out
already.
But the covered statues at Justice aren't the only thing lately
that's got a bee under Cher's bonnet. Something else occurred
at, of all places, the headquarters of the Environmental
Protection Agency. It seems that EPA director Christine Todd
Whitman has moved to cover up murals that depict American
Indians scalping white people, including naked women.
"I didn't know that art was politically correct," Cher
commented. Yeah, whatever. I'm still trying to understand
why somebody thought it would be a good idea to plaster such
murals on the walls of this busy government agency. Can
somebody explain the appropriateness of it? And who exactly
was supposed to appreciate this art? Maybe certain white folks
with guilt complexes, or the occasional American Indian,
either one of whom might be delighted to see an artistic
depiction of white oppressors getting what they deserve?
So now we all have a pretty good idea what kinds of things
haunt Cher's consciousness and we come to the realization
that. . .well, they're not exactly the kinds of things us common
folks worry about. Cher, if I could be presumptuous enough to
give you any sort of advice, it would be this. Instead of
agonizing over statues and murals, maybe you ought to try and
get a handle on what makes a 55-year-old woman obsessed with
looking and acting like a nineteen-year-old forever.
And lose the blonde hair. It's just not you.
Cher, honey, get a grip. Try and calm yourself. Things really
aren't that bad. Honestly, everything's going to be all right.
And anyway, folks aren't particularly interested in another one
of your public hissy fits about how the conservatives are trying
to take us back to the Dark Age. See, there's this war going on,
the war against terrorism, in which the current administration
is fighting the people who would really take us back to the Dark
Age. And guess what? Most of us wholeheartedly support it.
So, at the moment, we're not interested in the sort of trivial
nonsense that has sent you into your latest dither. Well, except
that it's good for a laugh and goodness knows we need humor
these days, so let's go ahead and talk about it anyway.
Here's the scoop. The Justice Department recently decided
to throw heavy blue curtains over the bare-breasted 12 1/2-foot
cast aluminum statue "Spirit of Justice" and her skimpily
togaed male partner, "Majesty of Law," which have stood in the
department's Great Hall since 1936. This has Cher imagining
that jack-booted book burnings are just around the corner.
Now, why were these statues covered up? Because Attorney
General John Ashcroft gives speeches in front of them and he
felt it was a visual distraction. Was it a silly thing to do? Yep.
Was it a ridiculous thing to do? Pretty much. Was it an utterly
absurd thing to do? Quite possibly. Is it anything more
nefarious than that? Nope, end of story.
But here, in her own words, is Cher's take on the situation.
"These statues have been there through other very conservative
administrations and no one has seen fit to put a curtain in
front of them. What are we going to do next? Put shorts on the
statue of David, put an 1880s bathing suit on 'Venus Rising' and
a shirt on the Venus de Milo? If they start doing that, maybe
they'll start deciding what books are all right for us to read,
and we'll start losing all our freedoms. This really is
unbelievable. It's shocking."
So how come I'm not shocked? How come I'm nothing more
than mildly amused? Cher, I'll tell you what. If they try to put
a burka on ol' Venus, then maybe I'll get upset. Or if they ever
start going into museums and art galleries and covering up
artistic depictions of nakedness (and I do mean artistic, not
pornographic or obscene), then I'll be with you. But this
incident is about a guy who, for whatever goofy reason, feels
uncomfortable giving briefings in front of risque statues. It's
not about censorship or the end of all our freedoms.
Cher's last foray into the public policy arena was similarly
asinine in its wild predictions of disaster. It was shortly before
the 2000 election. Bless her heart, she was so mortified at the
possibility of a certain conservative being elected president
that she stayed home from European recording sessions in
order to, well, shoot off her mouth about it, mainly.
Her passion was evident in an interview she gave during
which she posed this rhetorical question to voters at large:
"Has everyone lost their f___ing minds?" Subtlety is not Cher's
forte.
"If you're black in this country. . .if you're a woman. . .if you
are any minority. . .what could possibly possess you to vote
Republican? You won't have one f___ing right left." Gee, Cher.
We've had conservative administrations before and near as I
can tell, all my f___ing rights are pretty much intact.
When I first read about her profanity-laced rant, my initial
thought was, what does she care who is president, as long as
she can keep having plastic surgeries, prancing near naked in
front of drooling audiences and dating brainless pretty boys
half her age? Maybe she's worried that her unseemly lifestyle
might be in jeopardy if conservatism goes too far.
Well, listen honey. You've got nothing to worry about. Have
you turned on a television lately? Your smutty routine is now
the cultural norm. That's right, and no conservative
individual, no conservative administration, no religious right,
no anybody can stop it. You have triumphed! So chill out
already.
But the covered statues at Justice aren't the only thing lately
that's got a bee under Cher's bonnet. Something else occurred
at, of all places, the headquarters of the Environmental
Protection Agency. It seems that EPA director Christine Todd
Whitman has moved to cover up murals that depict American
Indians scalping white people, including naked women.
"I didn't know that art was politically correct," Cher
commented. Yeah, whatever. I'm still trying to understand
why somebody thought it would be a good idea to plaster such
murals on the walls of this busy government agency. Can
somebody explain the appropriateness of it? And who exactly
was supposed to appreciate this art? Maybe certain white folks
with guilt complexes, or the occasional American Indian,
either one of whom might be delighted to see an artistic
depiction of white oppressors getting what they deserve?
So now we all have a pretty good idea what kinds of things
haunt Cher's consciousness and we come to the realization
that. . .well, they're not exactly the kinds of things us common
folks worry about. Cher, if I could be presumptuous enough to
give you any sort of advice, it would be this. Instead of
agonizing over statues and murals, maybe you ought to try and
get a handle on what makes a 55-year-old woman obsessed with
looking and acting like a nineteen-year-old forever.
And lose the blonde hair. It's just not you.